Article URL: https://sofiakodar.github.io/posts/becomingmanager/ Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=48648558 Points: 55 # Comments: 28

I vividly remember most of my own journey into engineering management over the years. Throughout my career, I’ve also mentored several people taking the step from engineer to engineering manager. It’s a challenging and often lonely journey, and here are a few truths most new managers realize the hard way. (If you aren’t a manager yourself, you might just learn a bit about your manager’s situation.) You’ll bring work home with you more often than not. The difficult conversation you’re dreading, the “stupid” business decision you will need to explain to your team, the office politics you need to handle, or the team member struggling silently with a personal crises. You will need to learn how to manage stress and rumination – and you’ll need to learn it fast. You’re not “part of the team” anymore. You are the manager. Even if you try to be “one of the gang,” you’re not, the dynamic has shifted. The team might not want you at their lunch every day (you’re welcome, but not always). They will have private conversations when you’re not there. They will talk about you behind your back, and that’s okay. You will feel the distance slowly but surely. The shift might start subtly, but after the first salary negotiation or the first tough decision, you will definitely feel it. You will probably miss being part of a team a lot. You need to be careful with every word. You can’t joke like before, because a casual remark might be interpreted as a directive or cause unnecessary worry. You can’t just blurt out an idea, or the team will wonder if it’s a decision and they need to change direction. Many managers aren’t clear on when it’s just their personal opinion, an idea, or an order, so most people learn to listen carefully and overthink things. You must learn to be quieter. Let others take the space and help them dare to speak up with their ideas.You will encounter business decisions you think are terrible but you still have to sell to your team. You cannot vent your frustration to the people you lead. You have to be professional and diplomatic even when you disagree. You have to be the calm in the storm. Hopefully, you learn this before you make too many mistakes. Because once you lose their trust, it’s hard to get it back. You’ll probably feel very lonely. If you’re lucky, you’ll have a peer group of other managers. Nurture those relationships! You will need them. Make sure you have at least one peer you can talk to openly, discuss difficult decisions with, laugh with, or vent to when needed. You will carry knowledge you cannot share. Re-orgs, performance issues, budget cuts, upcoming business decisions, or a team member’s personal crisis will weigh heavy on you. You must learn to handle questions diplomatically, keep your emotions in check, and encourage your team even when you disagree with the direction. You need to network and understand the business. You need to build solid relationships with other colleagues around your team, the product manager, designer, business analyst or other people that affects your teams. You also need to get to know people in other teams and other departments to do a good job. You can’t just focus on the tech. Get to know people in other departments such as sales, marketing, IT and customer success. You need to know the company’s KPIs, understand the business, the data, and the company strategy by heart to really support your teams. You will often feel a lack of progress. As an engineer, your day ended with clear output: a feature shipped, a refactor completed, a design finalized. As a manager, you often finish the day unsure of what you actually accomplished. Most work take weeks, not days.It’s way too easy to just get stuck in meetings and busywork, don’t let that happen to you! Figure out where you can have the most impact. Set up clear goals, track them and celebrate the wins. Be the person who drives progress, not just the person who manages the calendar.